This is about MDMA

I’ve written without apology about my views on therapeutic, controlled use of psychedelic drugs (namely: magic mushrooms, MDMA, and marijuana) and shared a few of my experiences.

Before going any further: this post is NOT an endorsement or suggestion to run around the streets looking for MDMA or to pop random pills without care.

My only intention with this writing is to speak of a positive experience I had, share the story, and a few lessons that I believe if applied to your life, may serve you well.

Fair warning: when it comes to drugs (and most controversial subjects) I’m quite liberal.

I’m well aware of the inherent risks of taking man-made (or any) drugs, and the side effects. Keeping that in mind, I go to great lengths to ensure I embark on these experiences as safely as possible. Namely, having a trusted source, testing the product for purity, carefully cultivating the environment I’m going to use the drug in, and avoiding mixing it with other drugs or alcohol.

To be honest, if you’re going to take drugs, doing it how I do is about as “safe” as you’re going to get.

What follows is my recent experience with MDMA (ecstasy).

Note: for the remainder of this email I’m going to refer to MDMA by one of its street names, Molly.

And awaaaay we goooo…

Earlier this month, we (Alicia and I) were sitting on the Vancouver SkyTrain heading to FVDED In The Park, an EDM festival taking place on the outskirts of town. The headlining artist’s music played an undeniable role in bringing us together seven months ago, and we couldn’t pass up the chance to see him live, together.

As we humans tend to do at festivals, there wasn’t a chance in hell of going sober.

Once we were 30 minutes away from the festival, we popped our first pills of the night, which were considered to be a standard, moderate dose of MDMA.

Unfortunately, we fucked up here:

We’d hit the gym around 5pm, and ended up eating a large meal around 7:30pm. Meaning, we had a whole lotta food in our stomachs which made for a rather muted high, almost as if we’d micro-dosed.

Which, curiously, was an interesting experience. That small, muted dose kept us very much sober (I could have driven home if we had to), but we still experienced the increase in empathy + heightened emotions.

By that I mean we spent our entire time at the festival mired in a crowd of thousands feeling like we were the only two people there, dancing, talking, able to speak as honestly as if we were rolling hard, and feeling the swell in love that Molly brings.

I know this to be true because I asked a question of Alicia which had been on my mind since January, and had not found been able to bring myself to ask (highly personal, and will not be revealed here).

The festival ended shortly before 11pm, and by the time we made it home at midnight, we were effectively sober. Despite having had a ball, we hadn’t had the “experience” we’d been planning on.

So we took more. A lot more. Alicia took another dose and a half. Thanks to me realizing that I’m a larger human with significant muscle mass, I popped a double dose.

Note: do NOT do this. You need to be careful with large doses (it’s not like inhaling too much THC where you’ll just get tired and take a nap).

The “experience” we’d been planning on?

Man, did that second dose ever do the trick.

Within 30 minutes, I was high as a mountain goat on a cliff, and Alicia wasn’t far off.

Quick background on why *we* use MDMA periodically (not frequently):

You cannot deny the fact we humans fall victim to our fears and inhibitions. Fear is why we don’t chase our dreams, talk to the pretty girl or guy at the cafe, our speak our minds all the time. Sad as it may be, many will never experience what it’s like to break through those walls and live on the other side.

And a reason many relationships either never reach their true potential and/or breakdown is because of an inability to speak honestly and openly about what comes to mind.

Speaking for ourselves, Alicia and I don’t struggle with having difficult conversations when sober. Even so, things have come up when rolling that I highly doubt would ever have surfaced otherwise. It’s human nature to bury what causes fear to bubble up—which is one reason why we use Molly to clear any air between us.

In short, it’s a catalyst for growth we might not otherwise experience, and that’s our personal choice.

Alright, back to the roll—

I find what Molly does to your mind fascinating:

1. When rolling, you gravitate to the things that bring you the most joy when you’re sober.

For us, that means talking, touching, and intimacy. Meaning, when we roll, we spend the entire time in conversation, touching each other (I don’t mean this sexually). Molly heightens your sense of touch, so things like massages, foot rubs, and anything involving contact to your skin feels incredible. For example, we took a bath together, hugged a lot, and shut out the world.

2. As alluded to by the philosophical context of ecstasy at the top, MDMA allows you step outside of yourself, and speak without inhibition, fear, or judgement.

Which is where—if used wisely—the real benefits come into play.

You know when you want to say what’s on your mind, but you’re fearful of exposing too much of yourself, opening up an internal wound, scaring someone away, or scared of what you may hear in response?

If you’re rolling, it’s gonna come out, and this is where the growth happens.

Drugs used with care, intention, and purpose are incredibly useful tools for helping overcome fears and inhibitions.

Alicia and I, have used Molly and magic mushrooms as tools to break down walls, resolve internal issues, and have conversations that have built a stronger bond between us, as well as talked about things we were unwilling to do in a sober state.

Used properly (read: with control), specific drugs will open your mind and unlock doors you didn’t know existed.

While MDMA is a man-made substance, there’s fossil evidence supporting human use of mind-altering drugs (mushrooms, plants, and cacti) as playing an important role in the development of human society, and as a valued piece of many cultures for over 5000 years.

This is not insignificant. Honestly, given the impact these drugs have had on the development of our species, the experiences I’ve had, and the knowledge I’ve gained on the subject, I believe it’s a flawed society we live in that labels the particular drugs mentioned in this email as dangerous and illegal.

It’s a false construct that these drugs = degeneracy and death.

If YOU are aware of what you’re getting into, control your use, and have a purpose beyond simply wanting to get blasted, you may find their use to have a tremendous, positive impact on your life.

I certainly have. Alicia has. And many people I’ve spoken to on the subject have said similar.

In a future issue of the Sorcerers Guild print newsletter, I’m going to dive deeper into molly, mushrooms, marijuana, and share my experiences, as well as positive and negative effects.

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_A. Mullan

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